Blog Post #1 Romance Has No Time Line

I just published my first novel – a romance novel I wrote when I was 35 years old – and now I’m 72! That’s nearly 40 years in the making! Without a doubt, finding new love only a few years ago reawakened passions and feelings I had accepted to existing only in my memory.  That new love was definitely the inspiration to revisit YELLOW BIRD. 

As I think about the journey that brought me to the here and now, it seems to prove that love has no age limit and certainly Romance has NO timeline! Whether you’re 25, 35, or 75, the heart can remain open to the possibility of romance. So, join me here as I share my personal insights and experiences on finding love later in life, and how they influenced my ability to put those feelings to “pen and paper”!

Butterflies In Your Stomach

Overall, statistics aren’t so good for finding love after 60 – whether it’s for the first time or a second or even third time. But I for one, am proof that at age 60 and beyond, you can still feel butterflies in your stomach and find passionate love if you are looking for it, and open to it.

I was exactly 60 years old when I became determined to reinvent myself. At the same time, I realized our personal growth never really ends.  My life had been derailed. I had become a Country Western Song! Everything I had imagined my life to be, every dream I had for a future was torn to shreds.  My 33 year marriage suffered a long and painful end, ultimately culminating in divorce. The divorce and issues leading up to it, forced my house into foreclosure. Had to put the car in the garage every night to avoid potential repossession. And I lost my job – the requisite 18 month marketing reset – due to budgeting reasons. But then, go figure! Completely unexpectedly, only by coincidence, I felt the stirrings of passion! Who knew? A chance encounter, a look, a complimentary word – and I felt a flutter in my stomach.

Deeper Connections, Yes – But Online – Really?

Those butterflies and the feelings that come with them gave me the courage to start thinking about venturing into the dating world again. But the whole idea scared me to death. It’s a different world out there. The last time I “dated” was in 1978! And to be totally honest, despite the unhappiness in my marriage, I never cheated. Ever.

So where to start? I’ve never been one to hang out in the local pub. I skulked around Facebook checking out old high school and college mates.  I refused blind dates from friends. Being the divorcee and third wheel at a table for two was awkward more times than not. TV’s “Golden Bachelorette” wasn’t even a concept! There was a conflict of interest on the part of the cute cop who helped me retrieve my car when it was “borrowed” by my ex. And an old flame just carried too much baggage.

Overcoming Fear and Doubt with Confidence in Self

Finally, one crisp fall evening empowered by a few glasses of wine, one of the dozens of dating sites caught my attention. Oh, how cool to shop around anonymously. So many handsome men. So many stories similar to mine. And yes, a lot of jerks too. But to engage, I had to commit to posting a profile. Should I be coy? Dramatic? Sweet? Mysterious? Who did I want to be?

Then came the Ah Ha moment! Lessons learned told their own story. And as I imagined what this next chapter in my life might look like, I was compelled to be completely authentic, to be totally honest. Honest about where I had been, who I was, what I wanted, and what I wouldn’t tolerate. After all I did learn a few things about myself over the years.

I knew my future depended on me being only my genuine self. No smoke or mirrors. It was the only way to move forward, to truly learn from and let go of the past.  Most of all, I knew I wanted, in fact expected, the same from my potential partner. Armed with this new found courage of self-awareness and the determination not to be bull-dozed or taken advantage of, I signed up to find love again.

Taking The Leap

Finding love again in my 60’s was both thrilling and daunting. Once you acknowledge you are open to it, you can still feel butterflies in your stomach! But that’s the easy part. A chance encounter, a look, a complimentary word can rekindle the stirrings of passion. The hard part, however, is taking the leap. By the age of 60, having learned a few things about yourself, you might expect to be confident, fearless.  But it’s not so easy.

I learned to be introspective with myself – warts and all. I had to be brutally honest about what I could have done better, where and how I could have shared my real feelings, and how I could have communicated in a more positive way – professional therapy helped!!!

From the Ah Ha moment that crispy October evening, I knew the only way to move forward, to write the next chapter in my life, to hopefully find love again, was to be completely candid about who I was, what I wanted, and what I wouldn’t tolerate. I embraced the things from my past that were meaningful, and learned to let go of what didn’t work or caused me pain.

I have kept precious what I  wrote twelve years ago on that dating site. As one of three requisite paragraphs – this one on Romance and the Perfect Match, I wrote:  “There is no perfect match. Especially at our age. We are set in our ways and comfortable with our values and beliefs. Rather, what’s important, what matters most, is to identify the essential elements of your/our life, and decide how this new relationship will contribute to that life. We’re not going to change each other, and we don’t have time to “grow” together as we might have in our younger years.  We’ve both been around the block a few times. We know what really matters at the end of the day. When one gets to be as “experienced” and “seasoned” as we ( i.e. me and you….the man I envision myself with), we’ve learned that compromise — not perfection — is the path forward.”

So we talked for hours every evening for two weeks – this man, named Michael, whom I met online, and me. And we planned our first in person “date”, a rendezvous with chaperones, no less! Michael suggested that since his sister and brother-in-law were coming to visit, I was invited to join the three of  them for an afternoon outing. Quite perfect I thought – the perfect solution to help quell my mounting anxiety of meeting a veritable stranger. Michael also suggested we meet for a quick cup of coffee first – obviously to ensure we each were who we thought we were. I saw him first, watching for me to arrive, standing so tall, handsome and stoic – and there they were – romantic stirrings I hadn’t felt in such a long time!  Over coffee for the next 30 minutes, it was his eyes that drew me in as a flock of butterflies fluttered crazily inside me.  

                                    To be continued – watch here for Part 2 – Coming Soon