When it comes to romance, every decade, every society, every civilization has had its own mores, values and rules of engagement. I myself have lived through seven decades – from 1951 to 2024 – and now here I am half way through the 8th! I find it daunting, sobering and inspiring that I can actually look back and reflect on how romance has evolved over these last 70 + years, and how it has affected my own life. In this post, I’ll explore how love stories – in my opinion and personal experience – have changed and what remains timeless in the world of romance.
Think about the great love stories and lovers of the ages – both real and imagined: Romeo & Juliet, Anthony & Cleopatra, Tracy & Hepburn, Bogart & Bacall, Elizabeth Taylor & Richard Burton, Rick & Ilsa Lund (Casablanca) Scarlett & Rhett (Gone With the Wind), Heathcliff & Jane Eyre, Wallis Simpson & King Edward VIII, Grace Kelly & Prince Ranier, Kate & William, ….the list goes on.
What is the common denominator that makes such strong, romantic bonding between two people possible? Why are those stories so ageless? Simply put, it’s the basics — respect for yourself and for your partner, a fearless ability to share your honest and most heartfelt feelings, unconditional trust between each other, a sense of humor, simple acts of intimacy, and of course passion.
So, based on my own experience as I navigated through these 10 year periods, let’s take a candid look at romance and passion, and how each – separately and together – may have influenced me through the decades, and ultimately been the driving force behind me publishing my first ( and hopefully not my last) Romance Novel at the age of seventy-two.
We all know, and most likely have experienced, that passion ( in all of its many forms) is not always romantic, and intimacy is not just about sex. The strongest, most lasting relationships are made of intimacy combined with romantic passion. And, of the two, intimacy is the most important. It’s that level of closeness where you feel totally safe, that feeling you get from the sharing of feelings and personal thoughts, from holding hands and other small displays of affection. In fact experts advise that lack of intimacy is generally a death knell for a relationship and definitely for a marriage.
The 1950s and 1960s. We laugh and maybe even ridicule the seemingly unrealistic simplicity of life in the 1950’s, post WWII, like those old black and white TV shows and movies of the era. Yet those days were real. Families had a mom and a dad, couples were always married, they slept in twin beds, and everyone wore pajamas. Most Moms were in the kitchen. Dads went to work.
My parents fit that role model (though maybe not the pajamas!) They were dedicated to each other and lived a true romance of their own making for 46 years. Daddy was only 18 when he proposed to Mom in 1949 – she was an “older woman” by nearly two years, and their courtship was passionate! In fact, it was a veritable country western song!
Her parents were critical of his parents – thought they were pretentious, though in fact they were self-made entrepreneurs – German immigrants and artisans who succeeded in building their American Dream (but that’s another story). Her parents were laborers, a steel worker and a teacher, and staunch God-fearing Methodists.
Madly in love, and with the help of Dad’s parents, Mom and Dad eloped one summer night in 1949, drove to Virginia in my grandpa’s car. My mom’s older sister’s husband took off in hot pursuit to try and stop them but Dad’s parents weren’t talking. Their elopement was a success and eventually both families united. I was probably the catalyst when I was the first grandbaby born in 1951.
Obviously my parents had passion in their marriage – their dramatic elopement was proof of that, and then they had 5 kids. But it was the intimacy that I clearly remember and could see every day that kept their romance alive. As children, we learned about love by watching them. They visibly showed affection for each other, laughed a lot, and through example set high expectations for my sisters and me – honesty, strong morals, honor, integrity, decency and respect for others and for each other. We went to church, we ate dinner as a family, we talked about stuff. We went on vacations with other families like ours – not trips to Europe, not cruises. But camping trips, lake cottage rentals, and ultimately a funky cottage at Lake Chataqua NY that became our weekend retreat.
Of course they had their rough patches, and I sometimes saw tears, anger and stubbornness – but I remember without any hesitation, they always went to bed together and kissed each other goodnight. From the time I was little until his last time with my mom, Daddy kissed her 3 times every morning when he left for work and every evening when he came home – her forehead, her nose, her lips. I always noticed this, but never thought much about it til now. It makes me smile. Yes, they lived a true romance, one of intimacy and passion.
Life was simpler then. There were families just like ours throughout the United States, in every town, every city. Michael, the man I married in April 2024, is one of 11 kids! By contrast, he grew up in inner city Philadelphia in a 3 bedroom house. And his parents too had their own personal romance, more discreet but as strong and sustaining as mine. His mother was a nurturer, she had 11 kids to manage, two of which had special needs, and she served as an advocate for children with those special needs. His Dad worked in a large factory, taking on various shifts and other part-time gigs to make ends meet – a solid provider. He called her “Mother.” He tells me ( my Michael) his parents weren’t shy about displays of affection — they danced in the living room, especially at Christmas, and shared that special hello kiss at the end of each work day. Then late at night through the walls from their bedroom to the sons’ room next door, they could hear her whisper “Oh, Father!”
Watching my parents being cool with each other did NOT translate to being cool myself! During the 60’s I started to date. I was terribly naïve and awkward. I wasn’t the cheerleader. I didn’t date the football player. I dated the tall lanky adorable basketball player, the guy from my church in charge of the lighting for the school plays, the trombone player in the Swing Band. I lived vicariously though through my neighbor Julia, a gorgeous senior who I saw as incredibly sophisticated and classy. She had it all going for her. Totally captivated by her stories, anecdotes and escapades of her dating life, I began to imagine what real romance might look like, would feel like.
Throughout high school, for 4 long years, every “boyfriend,” the guys I dated, had to pass The Dad test, practically an inquisition. Those boys came to my house, my parents knew their parents, I didn’t dare break curfew. I was always the “good girl.” And I could never, would never, engage in sex before marriage. I didn’t even think of it. Nice girls just didn’t. And for that matter, grownups didn’t either! What happened in the bedroom, stayed in the bedroom! “Out of wedlock” remained tabu. Regardless of your age, that was the expectation for romance in the 60’s.
When and how did the dreams of a 1960’s teenager become Romantic Passion? Ah, college was a wonderful thing!
To Be continued – Watch for it here..